Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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