11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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