At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
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Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
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I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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