I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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