Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
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I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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