Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My sheets look like a crime scene.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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