I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
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He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
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The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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