I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
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There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
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The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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