Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
last night I used snow as a chaser
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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