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My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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