i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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