I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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