I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
What a dumb baby whore.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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