How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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