dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize