Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
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Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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