my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
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So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
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He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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