we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
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Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
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Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
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