Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
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Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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