We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
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I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
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I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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