I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
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Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
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My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
false alarm, still single
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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