If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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