So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
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I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
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we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
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