dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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