No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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