4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize