Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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