What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
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I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
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Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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