wanna go halves on a baby?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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