My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
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She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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