you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
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Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
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When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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