Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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