I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Randomize