After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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