sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
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Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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