I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
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So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
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do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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