girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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