Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
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