I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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