The maid of honor just puked.
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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