A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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