You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
i think my cat just said my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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