Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
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Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
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a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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