I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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