Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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