1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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