Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize