Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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