If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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