I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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